By: Susan Lloyd – January 15, 2021
Spiritual Things
When it comes to your bible reading, under which heading do you fall: I Have to read my bible or I Want to read my bible? As I tell you this story you’ll quickly see where I am.
Every January, as we begin a new calendar year, I am tempted to put in place a new daily bible reading plan for myself. I always return to believing that this is a good plan for me. Every time I do, I hear the spirit’s prompting me, “don’t do that, not that way, not the way you are thinking.” Am I telling myself or you not to read your bible this year? No. I’m not. Please let me explain.
A few decades ago, as a newer believer, I made another attempt to read the entire bible in one year. It always seemed like a reasonable goal for me. I always prayed, “Lord please let me read my entire bible this year cover to cover.” Yet, every year the same thing happened. Somewhere along the way, I would quit in discouragement or disgust with myself. I always quit reading my bible. I would never finish it.
This particular year, I thought I was more determined. I thought, ‘I’ll plan better this time,” “I’ll use better tools this time,” “I’ll stick with it this time.” On the inside, I knew I was setting myself up for another failure, but ‘maybe this time it will be different’. (Anyone familiar with what this sounds like, Keep doing the same thing over and over, each time expecting a different outcome? It’s the definition of insanity.) Sorry, back to my story. This time is gonna be different…I printed out the one year reading plan to check off my record of reading every day, and I put in my schedule a few dedicated times to complete my daily reading. I even bought a One Year organized bible just to accomplish this task. I thought, “Good, I’m all set this year. I can do this!”
I made it further into the calendar year than I had ever done before, which was an accomplishment in and of itself. But that didn’t matter. I was miserable with a capital M. Miserable!
My temptation now was to stop reading my bible altogether. My bible turned into a large paper weight on my desk or coffee table. “Great, I thought, here we go again.” That’s usually where my struggle with my bible reading would go. All or nothing. From reading my bible all the time to nothing, not at all. Next would come the internal berating, but let’s leave that out of this story for now. I knew for me, both reading my bible daily under a strict bible reading plan and not reading my bible at all usually were sin. So, what to do? What to do? Of course, I went to see my pastor for help. What he said and did surprise me. As I met with him and explained my problem, he listened. When it was his turn to talk and respond, he didn’t speak. He casually pulled my One Year Bible across his desk and pushed it into the trash. I sat before him stunned. I thought, “What just happened?”
What was I supposed to do? He just threw my bible in the garbage. He’s a pastor. What’s that supposed to mean? Should I be reading my bible or not? Is that what he’s trying to say? I don’t need to read my bible? That Can’t be. He’s a pastor. He loves God’s word and so do I! That’s not it. My thoughts continued, “Should I retrieve the bible out of the trash and rescue it? or Should I leave it there? What does this mean? What is he trying to tell me?”
My pastor never broke his gaze or cracked a smile. I sat there, unmoving, trying to determine what to say or do. Finally, after a really long pause, he said “In a moment you can get your bible out of the trash, but let me make this point first.” He began that point with a question. “Your goal this year is to read your bible more, correct?” I said, “Yes.” “So, if you began reading your bible and wanted to complete it cover to cover and it took you, say, five years to do that, would that be okay? Did you achieve your goal?” I had to think about it, but then hesitantly I offered, a weak, “Yes, I think so?” Recognizing my dilemma, he offered, “How about two years, if you could do it in two years would that be okay?” I replied with an immediate, confident Yes!
He said, “Okay. If your goal is to read your bible this year, then reading it as often as you can and at any pace you can achieve would be okay, would it not?” I answered Yes again. “Good,” he continued, “Then if the timeline and dates printed in that One Year Bible of yours or that daily reading schedule you’re using is causing you to feel bad about your bible reading then throw those things away. Those tools were meant to help you with your bible reading and could be, I suspect, part of the problem you are having. If they are causing you to condemn yourself for not living up and adhering to some self-imposed standards or rules about your own bible reading, then they are not helpful. Instead, perhaps, they are harmful to you.” He went on, “Those thoughts and feelings aren’t coming from God. Christ would never condemn you for your efforts about reading His Word.” “Read your bible when you can and don’t fret when you don’t or can’t. Just Keep at it! Don’t give up. Don’t Quit.”
I went away from our meeting delighted. It was as if a boulder was removed from my soul. I returned to reading my bible that year. I read my bible whenever I could and ignored the dates in my One Year Bible and on my daily reading plan. It took me almost 2 years to complete reading my bible cover to cover, but I did it. I accomplished my goal. My pastor was right. I did get there.
Of course, the following years the same temptation would assail me and the desire to beat my own record of bible reading would taunt me again. Whenever I forgot what I had previously learned and the same struggle reappeared, I had to remind and rehearse to myself, ‘my goal is to get closer to God, reading my bible is part of that, but it’s not the only part. If I didn’t have any bible to read I could still know God well because of his Holy Spirit in me.’ The entire Old Testament of my bible confirms that. I want to read my bible and I can read my bible without the fear of condemnation.
How often I read my bible when I read my bible, and how I study my bible can all be used against me to distract and discourage me from my relationship with Christ. I don’t have to listen to the discouragement. I can remind myself of my pastor’s advice and stop the self-sabotage and condemnation. So, I keep reading my bible when I want the way I want and seek and pray to God to keep me close to Christ. I rely on his spirit to help me get closer to Him and remain close because of his spirit in me.
I haven’t been able to read my bible cover to cover again so far in my life. Most of the time, I’m okay with that. When I’m not, I talk to God about the problem and ask Him to help me fix what is bothering me this time about it. I talk to God all the time.I think and write about spiritual things all the time. I read and study my bible as often as my life permits, which is quite a bit, but just like with my prayer time, I’m not engaged in it “without ceasing.”
I’m still on this spiritual growth journey, still moving forward, but no longer beating myself up for any setbacks and unrealized goals. My goal is to keep an intimate relationship with Christ, intimate and ever-growing. He never tires of me even if at times I am tired.
The What, Where, Why and How’s of my relationship with Christ inspire me to share with you many more posts. Until then, consider reading God’s love letters to you, His Word, The Bible and see if developing a real relationship with Him makes a difference in your own life. Reading your bible can be part of discovering and developing an eternal relationship with the best friend you can ever have. If you don’t take me up on it and read your bible for yourself, you’re missing out and you’ll never know what’s there for you.
Happy Reading,
Susan