Mother’s Day is right around the corner. My heart goes out to hurting mothers especially this Mother’s Day because I am one of them. This year, for me… I unfortunately, expect this particular Mother’s Day to be one of the hardest to get through, simply because, my firstborn, my daughter, died in a car accident earlier this year and her birthday is also, only a few days before Mother’s Day every year. For me, it’s always either been a double celebration having those two events close together, or instead, really difficult for similar reasons.
I remember my first Mother’s Day in 1995, I went into labor just a few days before mothers day, I actually came home from the hospital with my daughter, Rachel, on Mothers Day that year. As this particular Mothers Day approached, I had hoped I would deliver early, many days before Sunday, so Rachel and I would be in church together for the first time that Sunday, as our first Mother’s Day together, at church. But I really didn’t know that was pretty unrealistic, it was my first birth. What did I know? My husband went to church without me, and the plan was to pick us up later that day from the hospital if they would discharge us from the hospital that day. Rachel was jaundice, so we were detained for a few days. It was a very good thing, because the birth was tough. Again, what did I know? I didn’t know how much I needed that extra rest and recovery time. My husband won, on that specific Sunday, the Mother’s Day flower arrangement, for the Newest, new Mother on my behalf. I was a little annoyed because I rarely win anything, I finally, actually won something, and of course I wasn’t there to receive it. It felt like I missed an award and it was given to him instead. However, that first Mother’s Day was the best. I was finally a Mom! Something I always wanted. I felt truly blessed.
Move forward in time, just one year, in 1996, my husband brought a huge crisis to our marriage, that almost destroyed our family, while I was pregnant with our second child. Soon, I was temporarily separated from my husband, and as this particular Mother’s Day approached, I felt cheated again, as I was trying to sort out the collateral damage to my marriage. With this being only my second Mother’s Day, and my daughters recent first birthday…everything was ruined in my mind. My life, at this point wasn’t going according to the one I had planned. I thought ‘what an awful difference just one year could make, and how could that be?’ Gratefully, God’s plan was to restore our marriage and our family, but I didn’t know that at the time. So, Mother’s Day number two was the worst, following so close after my best Mother’s Day. What a disappointment. I was quickly learning, that Mother’s Day can be wonderful sometimes, but awful sometimes too.
Fast forward, to this year, 2021, this Mother’s Day. I certainly want to have a better Mother’s Day, than number two was, and maybe it won’t be as great as number one. But, after all these years that have passed, I have really grown and learned and understand so much more about life, I have more compassion, even while experiencing a great deal of sorrow which can accompany such a significant day like Mother’s Day,. Holidays, like this one, can sometimes be a day of great grieving over the moms who are no longer with us, the mom we wish we were, or the mom we think we are, and for so many other reasons. Many mixed emotions can accompany this day. It isn’t a happy day for all mothers. Not every woman is a Mother. For that reason alone, some of us may want to skip it altogether some years.
How many women are tremendously hurting on their Mother’s Day, every year? Many women hurt on Mothers Day, because of awful memories of the mother they wish they had, but didn’t; or because their mom isn’t in their life at all; or is abusive; or something worse; or they struggle because of the mom they want to be, but never will be because of their own infertility; or because their mom is dead and they feel like an orphan; or maybe they struggle, so much with being a mom themselves, thinking they are a bad one, that they don’t know how to enjoy being one on Mothers Day at all; or because of any number of things that can affect this important day. Maybe they are a mom, but their children make no effort to connect on this day or any other, and so Mothers Day is a gaping wound instead of a celebration of this precious role in their children’s life.
Mother’s Day, for many, is not as happy as it is meant to be. The day if far less of a celebration than they hoped. But, if you’re a woman, then I urge you to consider… You are valued and cherished simply because you are alive. Simply because you are you. Unique and special, no matter what. You are not an orphan, even if your parents are no longer alive. If you are a believer, you have a Heavenly Father, God, a perfect parent. One who knows what Mothers Day is and means to you. Who knows why it may be a hard day, even while it should be a day to celebrate. God also knows everything about you and your life, and if you let him, he can bring you sweet joys on even the most difficult days like this one. Who knows what things he may plan for you? God may have a plan ready to help you on the hardest days in your life. He has for many of mine. He can do the same for you.
That is my prayer, I expect, this Mothers Day to hurt like no other, because my daughter Rachel is not here with me, but I also expect to be with my husband and family, and hope to hear from my sons, and will reach out to my sister. I have loved ones who are close, but even if I didn’t, I have a church family, and know many women and friends who could use my encouragement to them, on Mothers Day as well. Every woman could use some acknowledgment, appreciation, and care on this special day.
So, if you’re tempted to feel bad; or to wallow in self pity, because of Mothers Day; or complain about what you’re missing on Mothers Day. Don’t! Instead, turn your attention to another woman, any woman, and wish her a Happy Mother’s Day! Be a blessing to someone else. What a difference you could make to her, and how much better you might feel if you do. What opportunity might happen if you try? We are to love one another, so lets go out and do that on Mothers Day! Express some joy and care to someone who needs it. And if you’re the one who needs it, pray someone will bring some of that to you.
I hope after this years’ Mothers Day, I can say, that I got through this first Mothers Day without Rachel and did it well, by loving other women I know, who need some love and comfort as much as I do this year.
Be Love & Comfort This Mother’s Day, Susan